I love "Mad Men" and expecially "Mad Men" spoilers

My subscription to the iTunes store fro season 4 of Mad Men will cost less than $20. I'm paying for it because it's the best show on TV, and because I like to watch it on my iPod.

I've read all the spoilers because waiting sucks to much, and I know enough, after many exhaustive searches (because yes, that's what those of us who are perpetually single but too romantic to compromise do while we wait and pray for favorable fate do with our time), I suspect that I know most of what will happen in the episode.

So I'll now refer to what I've figured out. Watching season 4 on my iPod on the way to work? $19.99. Watching Don Draper turn into a pathetic middle-aged divorced guy who has to pay for sex? Priceless. Fuck you Don Draper. You have hurt and disappointed too many women, and you deserve to have to pay for sex, you asshole.

CPYOUT vs Love

There is love, a rare and tender thing. And then there are the horrors of CPYOUT, or "Compulsiory 'Putting Yourself Out There'", the most humiliating, painful, and loathsome activity known to mankind. Some people out there actually enjoy CPYOUT, either because they are idiots or sadists, or because they are that, rare, lucky soul who finds love through CPYOUT. But in that third case, they simply become sadists themselves, and irritatingly insist that what worked for them will work for everyone else, including you. Yes, I hate them.

Why I'm Here

Here’s something about me: I passionately hate first dates. First dates, for the most part, are the least sexy, fun, or romantic thing I can think of. To me, the most romantic line in all of Pride and Prejudice is when Darcy says to Elizabeth “We can neither of us perform for strangers”. And that’s precisely the problem. I can’t perform for strangers.

I’m shy—not quiet, but shy. The less well I get to know a person before I agree go out with them, the worse the date is, and the less likely I am to see the other person again. As far an I’m concerned, online and speed dating are an abomination. They work well for outgoing types. Shyness is not something that you can overcome, and then it’s gone—it’s always there, and performing for strangers never gets any easier or more fun. It is an eternally loathsome experience.

I hate early stage dating, but I ache for a long term relationship. It would begin an Old Hollywood-style “meet cute” scene, followed by a sense of instant rapport and lots of wonderfully intense brainy banter. And then... And then... That’s what I dream about, but all that’s been out there so far are are horrible first and second dates, short termers, and on again/off again. I go home crying. All the disappointment violates my sweet daydreams, but I’d settle for never having to hear bullshit like “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I can’t handle a long term relationship right now” ever again. I don’t ever, ever want to endure another first date. I just want to be swept off my feet. Why don’t you all just get it? Just get it already?

One day, I googled the phrase “too romantic to date” because it popped into my head and seemed to sum up my predicament perfectly, and I was sure that there it must be a nice, therapeutic blog about it out there somewhere. I found that that exact phrase did not exist anywhere on the web, so I registered it. This is my protest against the horrors of compulsory "Putting Yourself Out There".